Show vs. Tell (How far do you go?)

Most of us writers have heard the big lecture "Show vs. Tell"...

Many of us have heard at least once in our critiques that "you do a lot of telling... don't tell me the man entered the room, show me..."

How you define showing vs. telling can sometimes be a little tricky. Many times I try to show as much as possible, but I still end up hearing "you do a lot of telling.."

Obviously a phrase like "She was happy" is telling. But what about "She smiled"?

After all the verb to smile is a fairly active verb. Still some would consider saying "She smiled" as too generic.

There are some critique readers who would say: Don't tell me she smiled, show her lips smiling.

So then, you end up writing more detail, perhaps something like this:

Her rosy lips brightened. The edges of her mouth curved upward.

Critique person: You do a lot of telling. Don't tell the readers her lips are rosy. Show us. Also don't tell us her mouth curved, show us how it curved. And you shouldn't use adverbs so take out "upward"... Also no adjectives, metaphors, similes or 'to be' verbs.

The question is, depending on the context, unless the way she smiles is unique and super significant, is it necessary to go into detail, or is it sufficient to say "She smiled." ?

Of course there is the issue of flow and pacing. After all, if we already have a picture of the character established by previous description, can the readers imagine how she smiled in their heads?

Don't get me wrong, details are always fun. Some will nitpick whatever you do. (Of course at times they may be correct.) The question is how far do you go?

The Ostrich and the Vulture

In a faraway land, a tall tree bears golden apples that give the eater the power to fly.

These apples only grow on the highest point of the tree.

An ostrich named Struza treks through the woods in search of the powerful tree.

A vulture named Grib flies through the woods. He also searches for the apples.

"Where are you going?" Grib asks the ostrich.

"I'm on my way to find the golden apples," she says.

Grib flies away from Struza, but follows her without her seeing him.

Struza finds the tree. Because Grib has followed her, he also knows the location.

Struza struggles to reach the top. She tries to jump and fly but cannot reach the apples.

She sees Grib flying to the top, taking one of the apples.

"Hey!" says Struza. "Could you pass one to me?"

"Why would I do that?" asks Grib.

"I can't reach it," says Struza. "I can't fly as high as you, nor can I climb."

"If I can reach the top of this tree without any help, then so can you. "

"But I already told you that I'm not built like you!"

"Not my fault if you can't fly."

"Ostriches usually can't fly, but if you help me have an apple, then I'll fly like you."

"I'm not sure I like the idea of that."

"Why do you need the apple anyway? You already have the power to fly. You need more power?"

"I just need more power to make sure my flying abilities don't get taken away."

Grib flies away with faster flight than before. Struza stays on the ground.

Television Series

In this article, I write about about some of my most loved TV series in the fantasy genre.

I've already posted plenty on Once Upon a Time, and most have you are familiar with Game of Thrones, so those two series are not included on the list.

Merlin (TV-PG)
2008-2012

Legend of the Seeker (TV-14)
2008-2010

The Almighty Johnsons (Not Rated, but would be TV-MA)
2011-2013

Charmed (TV-PG)
1998-2006

Every Witch Way (TV-G)
2014-2015 (but followed by a more juvenile sequel)

The Dresden Files
2007

Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (TV-PG)
1995-1999

Xena Warrior Princess (TV-PG)
1995-2001

Gargoyles (TV-PG)
1994-1997

Sinbad
2012

The Librarians
2014 - (based on a series of TV movies)

More Writing Updates

I started the Twitter account in late September. My goal was to reach 100 followers by Halloween! I ended up a few days early! Let's see if I can make it to 200 by the end of November!

I'm also considering participating in the NaNoWriMo... and work on a certain sequel. I've written the first chapter and started a flashback chapter. Perhaps I'll write the rest of the first draft in November!

Twitter Posts

A month ago, I started up a Twitter account.
Here are some of the posts relating to The Face of the Pumpkin!

The Future

The Power of Love.... is a curious thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NMph943tsw

But of course this video is from the first film: Back to the Future (1985). Although only the first film was released in 1985, that year is a central point throughout the trilogy, as seen as the "present year" of the sequels released in 1989 and 1990.

In the second film, a direct continuation, the first part of the film, and one of the most iconic parts of the trilogy, is the part where they go to the year 2015. Specifically October 21, 2015.  Another important year in the trilogy is 1955, also seen in all 3 films... but of course at the time, no one had the hindsight that we have in 2015.

Some of the most iconic aspects of the representation of 2015 include the flying car, as seen in what it did to the technology of the DeLorean car, as well as the iconic hoverboards.

I must admit that this is the part of the trilogy where it's probably best not to think to much about the logic...

I must admit, when I was a kid and first saw this (I actually saw Part 2 before Part 1) I didn't understand the concept of the "future" or of years. Because of this film, I just thought that "The Future" was some type of parallel world with flying cars.

Here's a video where teens react.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgkx9JAON-I

and this (Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox talk about 2015)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1twReDT0y3k

Updates

This week I did the Relay for Life, watched more Once Upon a Time and wrote my first reply on Twitter in Portuguese.

Going back to my writing, I've tried to return to being a little more active on Critique Circle. I've also done more revising. Right now I'm doing another read-through of Part I and then I'll work on revising Part II before submitting my manuscript to a professional editor. This takes a long time, but hopefully it will be worth it!

Three Big Reasons Why I Write

I've always loved stories. I've loved thinking about characters and places and how this shapes a plot.

Reading a story is wonderful, but creating one yourself takes me to an all new dimension.

Making movies might be an eventual dream, but the greatness of writing books is that it is based on a limitless imagination with limitless worth without a huge price.

Back from the Writing Conference

I had a wonderful time at my first writing conference this weekend. I learned so much and met lots of writers and others in the writing industry and connected with other attendees. Without a doubt I would love to return.

Plus: I just started a new Twitter account https://twitter.com/BennyRSFantasy

The conference was at Cuesta College, but I stayed in Morro Bay, which was a memorable location where my family visited when I was a child.

Classes of Magic: Teleportation

Last year, while waiting for a delayed train, I spent the time developing in my head the magic systems for The Face of the Pumpkin.

People in the Sorcery Society of Salem (as well as other magic groups of sorcery and enchantment) fit into four different classes of magic (earth, air, fire and water)... I came up with different advantages that these classes have and in particular, with regards to Teleportation.

Earth magic produces Green Apples that when eaten allow the person to transport to their wanted location. Disadvantage: You must always have apples on hand. Advantage: Although earth magic produces it, anyone can wield it.

Air magic allows Teleportation by thinking. It is perhaps the most advantageous, but it uses a lot of energy, and so one can only take in so much in a certain amount of time.

Fire magic is one of the most difficult as it requires the production of a potion that ignites a fire portal. Due to its power with light, Fire Teleportation is the only way to travel beyond Planet Earth.

Water magic is done through making portals by thought through bodies of water. It uses less personal energy than air magic and is easier for others to follow, but Point A and Point B must be in bodies of water (ocean, river, lake, swimming pool, etc)... It's always safer to travel with magic Blueberries to breathe under water.

Book Reading: The Once and Future King

This weekend I started reading T.H. White's The Once and Future King which includes the several volumes of The Sword in the Stone, The Queen of Air and Darkness, The Ill-Made Knight and The Candle in the Wind.

The Disney animated film, The Sword in the Stone, is based on the first book, and the musical/film Camelot, produced during the same era, is based on the later parts. Let's see how it works out reading all of these pages!

Title Card

Here is a book description from my new card! 

To Use "To Be" Verbs... or Not to Use "To Be" Verbs...

As I've gone through critique groups, people have mentioned my use on "to be" verbs and adverbs. As I continue revising I have started to cut out past "to be" verbs (was, were, been) as well as most adverbs, at least in the narrative. In dialogue I've cut some of them, but not all. This has helped a lot in making my sentences more active and less redundant. 

For eliminating adverbs, I found that almost half the time, I can take away the adverb and it has little affect on the sentence. Other times, I can use a different verb (I prefer to use verbs, however, that most people understand) or reword the phrase in a different way. 

Taking out "was" verbs presents more of a challenge, as this tends to require changing the whole sentence. 

Overall, this has helped strengthen my writing, although it does not do everything. For example, other issues include using too many other inactive verbs or indirect speech, etc.. 

The irony is that although it has helped me, many of the best writers use "to be" verbs and adverbs. Now some of these only use them sparingly, but they do use them. And of course these writers have a lot of experience and know how to make it work. 

For example, Roald Dahl, one of my most loved writers, used them quite a bit. The first chapter of James and the Giant Peach last about three pages. I counted about 23 past "to be" verbs and 6 adverbs. Describing things using words like "was/were" occurs quite a bit. That being said, it does not affect how I feel about the writing and I love the storyline. 

Other writers I like also use these sort of words such as J.K. Rowling, Jim Butcher, Philip Pullman, Gregory Maguire and many others use these sort of words. I suppose the issue has always been to know exactly when and how to use them. 

Once Upon a Time: Beyond

Here is the cover for the Once Upon a Time comic book Out of the Past, which ABC/Marvel released this spring. Unlike the previous comic book, this one divides itself into four separate stories focusing on Killian Jones (Hook), Rumple/Belle, Regina and Jefferson (The Mad Hatter). I enjoyed Jefferson's Wonderland story the most. Plus we also see a little bit of Camelot in Jefferson's story, which will be a major setting next season.

Last year I wrote an article talking about loose ends and things I wanted to see for Season 4. As we stand in the middle of summer with about 70 days left until the Season 5 premiere, now would be a good time to see what came true. Spoiler Warning if you have not caught up to the end of Season 4!

Here is the article:http://bennyrotondi-smith.blogspot.com/2014/06/questions-on-once-upon-time.html

Note that many of these loose ends involve withheld information that the show may never reveal, which probably the case for 1-6 and several others. For number 7 it is mentioned/implied how Hook and Baelfire left Neverland, but we never actually saw such flashbacks. For this article, I will comment on the questions that did have at least a partial answer.

13. How did Regina’s father, Henry, end up a prisoner in Wonderland? (Is he “The King of Hearts”?) 
In episode 4x20 "Mother" many have suspected that the flashback scenes with Cora occur around the same time that Cora took Henry,Sr. to Wonderland although we did not see it onscreen. I also loved hearing a mention to the White Rabbit which confirmed the theory that Cora did indeed know him. 
18. What is the full back story to Maleficent and her relationship with Aurora and Phillip?
We did not see the full back story, but we did see a lot of Maleficent. I wrote this question before hearing the news that Maleficent would return for a major story arc. Most of Maleficent's flashbacks focused on her history with Snow White and David as well as Regina and Rumple (and Cruella and Ursula and what Snow and David did to her). It has not been announced if Maleficent will return next year but we may find out more about her next season. 

19. How was Ariel’s relationship with her family under the sea?
We did see Ariel one more time in Season 4, but not her family. Instead, we saw Ursula's relationship with her father Poseidon, which had strong parallels to Ariel and King Triton. 

20. How will Elsa/ The Snow Queen fit into OUAT?!!!
It's funny that when I wrote this article, I did not know that Elsa and the Snow Queen would be two separate characters, I was just referring to the original fairy tale. We found out a lot during Season 4A, including Emma's involvement in the sister story. 

One question that I did not write in this article, but something I and many other Oncers thought was the identity of the author of the storybook, which turned out to be a major issue in Season 4!

I also wrote this article:
http://bennyrotondi-smith.blogspot.com/2014/09/once-upon-time-returns-in-less-than-week.html

I wrote about the characters I wanted to see return. Not only did we see Zelena again, but she returned in a big way. We saw a little bit of Oz again and found out that Will Scarlet once lived in Oz and that's where he met Robin Hood. Zelena will also return in Season 5 as a series regular. Robin Hood will also be an official regular, however Will will no longer be a starring cast member, however I still don't know if he will return as a guest star, considering the big plot holes with his character.

As mentioned before, we did see Maleficent return as I had hoped and a little bit of Aurora, but only a little and no Phillip. We definitely saw some of Emma's foster families and in the comic book Out of the Past, mentioned above, we met Priscilla, Grace's mother. Also in Season 4 we saw Ashley (Cinderella) appear in an episode, as well as Cora. Next Season we will see Lancelot again and Merlin too!

I'm back!

I've had huge computer issues which has set me back in my writing progress. Now that I have resolved issues, I'm back on track. I just did some more editing and submitted another chapter for review at Critique Circle. Stay tuned for more articles!

Setting and Plot

http://writerswrite.co.za/five-ways-to-use-setting-to-advance-a-plot

Above is an article that discusses the use of setting to advance the plot. 

Seven important details to consider are place, culture, era, geography (physical), things, time and weather. 

Place - Salem, Massachusetts / The (secret) Salem Society of Sorcery

Culture - It's contemporary North America, but under a magical Sorcery Society governed by the High Order. There are different classes to magic (fire, water, earth & air), as well as different magic practices. The Salem Society follows the practice and ideology of sorcery, but others such as the Realm in Edinburgh, follows the practice of enchantment.

Era - 2010s decade (with references to 1690s, 1960s-1990s)

Geography - Urban small city near the Atlantic Ocean

Things - Members of the Society have Familiar Companions such as Cats, Dogs, Rabbits, etc.. however these are characters more than props. Magical objects include Apples, Pears, Strawberries and Blueberries, spelled with capitals to distinguish from non-magical equivalents. The four fruits each correspond to the classes of earth, air, fire and water magic. (I've written an article before about the four fruits, but I may write more on some of these topics in the future.) Other objects include amulets worn by many of the characters (a sapphire icicle, a ruby heart, a diamond star and an emerald shamrock) which correspond again to the four classes of magic.

Other general objects include spell books and broomsticks. There are also four secret entrances to the four secret districts of the Society; the Crystal Clock Tower, the Golden Windmill, the Amethyst Swan and the Fountain of the Red Herring. Also expect a number of magic spells (including harmful curses) as well as other surprise magical items.

Time - The book starts at night and continues to the day.

Weather - [Spoiler Censor] 

Another Story

Much of this blog currently involves the continuity of my current novel The Face of the Pumpkin (or fantasy pop culture references).

I am, however, working on an another project. This book which is intended for a slightly younger audience will be a middle grade (or maybe lower) story with an all animal cast, involving a magical journey. The story does not take place in the same universe as The Face of the Pumpkin. Since I've only just barely written the beginning, I'm going to just place this picture here as a clue of the main character.

One of the most hated villains...

Earlier I wrote an article about what makes someone horrible.

http://bennyrotondi-smith.blogspot.com/2015/06/a-horrible-person-but.html

The limitations were that
A) No violence
B) No magic curses
C) No derogatory slurs

I made a number of points on this topic, but I overlooked one major detail. I won't describe in words this characteristic, but instead show different interpretations of one character, who actually fits the shoe on this personality.

P.S. The character may be horrible, but these actresses played her wonderfully!

Character Backstories

http://writershelpingwriters.net/2015/06/3-quick-tips-to-help-readers-connect-to-your-hero/

Here is an article I found about ways to allow readers to connect to the hero(es).

There is a section called "Understand What Came Before" which is a bit funny since it states, "The character’s life did not begin on page one, so we need to spend some time thinking about their past." 

 The irony is that in the case of my book, The Face of the Pumpkin, the main POV (point of view) character's life really does begin on page one, due to the character being "born" as the result of a magic spell. A similar condition exists with literary characters such as Pinocchio, as well as a handful of characters from L.Frank Baum's Oz stories. There have been also a number of stories with robot/android protagonists who are born at the beginning of the story.

In this sense the Pumpkin is like a child in many ways but with instant intelligence "programmed" into the character and with the capability of instant learning. (One major skill is that the protagonist can understand any human language). The protagonist's condition is based on the current condition of wanting to learn about the world of humans and reflecting those differences as opposed to being a walking, talking Pumpkin who has a great deal to prove in order to save the Society of Sorcery.  Our hero feels abandoned, rejected from the witch named Annie, who was so focused on her Necromancy Spell, that she neglected her sentient creation.

This brings me to some of the other characters, Annie Airgid, who is one of the most important characters in the book, has had a huge history and much of the story deals with her previous backstory as well as how it intersects with other characters. The story is told from the neonate Pumpkin, and through this character, we learn about the setting in Salem and many of the main players such as Annie, the ghost named Gordy and the Bat named Eeltog. All of these characters have  histories that are relevant in the present and will be significant in the future.

Personality Quiz: Salem Society of Sorcery Character

I made a personality quiz!

The possibilities are: Annie Airgid, Diego Montebello, Gordy Komori or Charlotte Larques.

http://www.gotoquiz.com/_salem_society_of_sorcery_character

Below is a sample of a possible result.

A horrible person, but...

On Critique Circle, there is a writing challenge activity. The prompt is to describe a horrible person whom you would not want to have in your life. The limitations are:
A). No descriptions of violence (murder, physical abuse, etc.)
B). No casting magic curses (turning people to stone, sleeping curses, etc.)
C). No derogatory slurs (although they can be prejudiced, as long as it's tastefully done).

This is an interesting challenge, since A and B are something that are quite common in my writing when looking at the actions of my antagonists. This isn't surprising, since A) and B) are very common in the fantasy genre (C is less common). Villains in fantasy fiction often are villains because of either their willingness to rely on violence and/or on magical curses. Violence is very common in Game of Thrones; magic curses on Once Upon a Time.

In my book, for example, there are antagonistic characters who possess magic and use that ability to get what they want by enacting curses that may not be violent, but can still be harmful, such as turning someone into a gold statue or a sleeping curse. (I'm trying to describe this without giving away any spoilers!) On the other hand, there are also characters in this book (The Face of the Pumpkin), who do not possess magic, and they tend to result in physical violence, such as murder, mugging or bullying.

When you take the previous actions away, however, there's still a lot more than can be seen as horrible. For example many would consider greed and ignorance to be a type of evil. There is also robbery/thievery, but this sometimes depends on the context, since there are noble thieves such as Robin Hood. Stealing/cheating is a characteristic that can be seen as anti-hero more so than full-on evil. Abandonment and neglect can also be seen as quite horrible. Perhaps one of the worst non-violent things in my mind that someone can do is extreme gossip, to the point where they spread lies and manipulate facts to ruin someone, but again it depends on the context on how malicious is their intent. Kidnapping someone/ or keeping an innocent a prisoner and keeping the truth from them, even if there is no physical violence can also be pretty bad. Emotional abuse can be extremely damaging.

In the end, different people may have different limitations, depending on their sense of humanity. There are many who have no problem with lying, cheating and stealing, but draw the line at violence. At least to the point of fatal violence. Others do not want to have literal blood on their hands, but will walk away and ignore those who are in need.

I look forward to see what kind of characters people write in the upcoming days!

Critique Circle

Recently a writing friend of mine referred me to Critique Circle  (http://www.critiquecircle.com).

I have not submitted anything yet, but when I do my name is Ydrwsglas! 

It's a writing group where members who register can read and critique parts of works by aspiring authors and in turn submit their own works. It requires some extra time, but it is definitely something I would like to experience more!

More Writing!

I did some more writing for another book the other day. I'm not going to reveal any details about this book, only that I finished the first chapter (or prologue/ pre-chapter). It was a joy to write new events. What I wrote so far is about 4000 words and it really sets the stage for the plot of the whole book!

Continuation of the Pumpkin

I'm doing more research on publishing (which is probably more difficult than writing the book itself). For those who have not heard, "The Face of the Pumpkin" is a contemporary fantasy/ghost story. It is a little like "Pinocchio" in a modern mystery setting with whimsical characters that include sorceresses, a Cat, a Bat, a ghost and a newly created Pumpkin with a face, arms and legs, who is the only one who can see and communicate with the ghost of a fallen fire sorcerer. Despite the unfortunate rejection of the sorceress creator, the Pumpkin journeys to different districts with the aid of the ghost friend and on the way discovers a great deal of self-identity and purpose and about saving those we love.